Bullying: Don’t Just Stand By

Written by THINK Educator, Cara Nelson

At a Bystander training I attended in college, I learned what the term “bystander” meant. And just recently, I learned what the term “upstander” means.

“Bystanders are kids, teens, or adults who witness bullying and cyberbullying in action, who stand by and watch, who videotape it and make it viral ... and WHO DO AND SAY NOTHING.” -stompoutbullying.org

Often, when we are confronted with a situation where we witness bullying, we do not necessarily want or decide to be a bystander, it can just happen because we are just as fearful. Another reason we may become a bystander is that we ourselves do not want to be shunned from our peer groups for going against the popular trend.

One thing I think we can all agree on is that no matter the reason, being a bystander is wrong. We would not want to be surrounded by a group of bystanders if we or someone we cared about were the bully’s victim. Yes, it is scary to directly confront a bully and sometimes it can mean taking a big risk.

In order to not become or continue to be a bystander, become an upstander instead!. There are some simple skills and strategies we can practice to become an upstander.

*Becoming an Upstander looks like this: 

  • Taking action by telling the bully to stop

  • Taking action by getting others to stand up to the bully with them

  • Taking action by helping the victim.

  • Taking action by shifting the focus and redirecting the bully away from the victim (EXAMPLE: “Hey, Anna! Mrs. Nelson is coming and needs to speak to us about our project right now!”

  • Taking action by telling an adult who can help

Being an Upstander: 

  • Takes courage - Telling a friend to stop bullying others is hard. They may be mad at you, but at least you won't feel guilty for being silent and allowing the bullying to continue. You will be doing your friend a huge favor in the end by helping them stop really hurtful behavior.

  • Takes action - A really small intervention is taking action against bullying that can have big results! Two words - "That's bullying" - can open others’ eyes to recognize the problem.

  • Takes assertiveness - Telling a friend how their behavior makes you feel and how it affects others requires being able to use your voice!

  • Takes compassion - Upstanders have the gift of compassion. They recognize when someone is hurt and take steps to help.

  • Takes leadership - Upstanders are leaders in their social group, helping others to recognize ways to get along and be supportive to others

STAND UP!

Whether you know the victim or not, there are things that you as a bystander can safely do to support the victim:

  • Don't laugh with the bully

  • Don't encourage the bully in any way

  • Don't participate

  • Stay at a safe distance and help the victim get away

  • Don’t become an "audience" for the bully

  • Reach out in friendship

  • Help the victim in any way you can

  • Support the victim in private

  • If you notice someone being isolated from others, invite them to join you

  • Include the victim in some of your activities

  • Tell an adult

For more information and help visit: https://www.stompoutbullying.org/

 

The STOMP Out Bullying™ HelpChat Line is a free and confidential online chat that helps youth ages 13-24 with issues around bullying and cyberbullying; as well as providing support to youths who may be at risk of suicide. 

HelpChat Hours

Online            Hours (EST)

Monday          6:00PM - 12:00AM

Tuesday          8:00PM - 12:00AM

When the HelpChat Line is NOT available and you are IN CRISIS please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) or the LGBT National Youth Talkline at 1-800-246-PRIDE (1-800-246-7743).

bullying, cyber bullying, mental health, parenting, teen trends, teens, THINKRebecca Whitebullying, abusive relationship, teens, teen violence, THINK