"The Talk"
Article written by Claire Dewdney, THINK Educator
Having “the talk” with your teen can be awkward for both of you. Sexual health isn’t often a natural conversation topic between parents and teens, so bringing it up does take planning. It’s also not a “one and done” type of conversation. As your teen matures, your conversations regarding sexual health should mature with them. This is a very complex topic, so trying to discuss everything in one conversation is very overwhelming and confusing..
The types of relationships we have as teenagers can affect the types of relationships we have as adults. That is why it is vital to teach teens that respect for themselves and their partner is an important part of a sexual relationship.
Here are some tips to help guide your conversation to be productive and educational.
First, start by working on your poker face! You might hear your teen say something that surprises you, but displaying that emotion may make them feel ashamed or embarrassed to confide in you. Your main priority is to give them information so they can make healthy choices. They may need to talk to you about topics or situations that might feel isolating or scary, and they need to know that you are there to support them. If you overreact it could discourage them from confiding in you. Remember to keep an open mind and stay calm.
Do your research. There are lots of great resources available online to help you give medically correct information. Some of these resources will be listed at the end of this article. You can even share articles and websites with your teen if you (or they) are uncomfortable discussing certain topics in depth.
Start talking about sexual health early. Don’t wait until you suspect they may already be sexually active.
Find a safe space. Go for a walk, a car ride, cooking together, or go hiking. Make sure that you have time and privacy to talk.
Ask them what they already know about the topic. This will help you get a sense of their maturity level, and correct misinformation.
Use relevant situations from the news, movies or TV shows to help you start the conversation. Ask them what they think about a situation, or how it made them feel.
Refrain from using stories like, “When I was in high school I knew this girl/boy who…,” it might feel relevant to you, but to them that’s ancient history! Stick with current situations.
Use proper anatomical terminology, and make sure they know basic physiology. Knowing what is normal and abnormal can alleviate some anxiety, especially during puberty.
Make sure you talk about the emotional effects of sex such as heartbreak, unmatched expectations, and increased emotional attachment as well as the physical effects (pregnancy, STDs).
Discuss consent - . how to ask for it, how to give it, and what consent does not look like. Explaining the emotional and legal concerns regarding consent can highlight why it’s so important.