Tips for Talking to Your Young Teen about Relationships
When parents talk to their kids about healthy relationships, they help protect kids from dating violence. Middle school is the right time to have those conversations. Even as young teens are moving towards stronger peer influence, they are still listening to what their parents have to say. In this article, we’ve provided 10 tips for talking to your teen about relationships.
Tips for Talking to Your Young Teen about Relationships
Encourage open, honest, and thoughtful reflection about healthy relationships and teen dating violence and possible interventions. Allow teens to clarify their values and expectations for healthy relationships. Allow youth to debate those issues to come to their own understanding, rather than dismissing answers as “wrong”. Communication with your child about relationships as an on-going process rather than a one-time conversation.
Being an effective parent balances sensitivity with firmness; adapt to the changes is facing by your tween; talks openly and respects differences of opinion, is strong enough to make unpopular decisions; and doesn’t always get along with or agree with their tween. Teach – don’t just criticize.
Understand your teen’s development and how it affects your relationship. Adolescence is all about experimentation. From mood swings to risk taking, “normal teenage behavior” can appear to be anything-but-normal, however, new research reveals that brain development during these formative years play a significant role in shaping your teen’s personality and actions. Knowing what’s normal is key so you can better understand and guide your teen.
Understand the pressure and the risk your teen faces. There are new and increasing pressures and expectations, such as sex, substance use and avoiding abuse from peers or dating partners. Teens often voice the concern that their parents take the time to listen and help solve situations that matter to them. Think in terms of reducing harm vs. zero tolerance.
Take a clear stand against disrespect, abuse of power, any forms of violence, or use of abusive or inappropriate language with a firm and clear message.
Make the most of “teachable moments” to discuss healthy and unhealthy relationships --- using TV episodes, movies, news, community events, learning about friends’ experiences, etc.
Discuss how to act as a healthy bystander or ‘upstander’ and friend when teens observe unhealthy behaviors in their peers.
Accentuate the positive. Talks about relationships need not focus solely on risky behavior or negative consequences, but should also address factors that promote healthy adolescent development and positive outcomes (i.e. academic success, relationships should be fun and fulfilling, supporting etc.)
Be an active participant in your teen’s life. Encourage your teen to be involved in extracurricular activities. Find outings that you can share with your teen. Explore ways to know more about their friends and interests.
You know that there is no magic pill, no simple method that works every time. You will make mistakes. The best we can do is help them make the most responsible choices possible by maintaining a balance between being sensitive to their desires and needs, yet firm in providing guidance and direction.