February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month
Article by: Becky White, Marketing Director: THINK Program
The teenage years are some of the most important years of a person’s life. The lessons you learn during this time stick with you and are carried on throughout adulthood. In addition, many milestones happen when you are a teen: you undergo changes to your body, gain a sense of self-identity, earn your driver’s license, and for many, you start dating.
As a teen, it can be easy to ignore the red flags in your first relationship. However, dating violence is more common among teens than you may think. That’s why for Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, it is important to remember the different forms of abuse and the signals carried in a relationship to help you remain safe.
FORMS & SIGNS OF TEEN DATING VIOLENCE
Sexual Violence
Sexual violence is when someone is pressured or coerced to engage in sexual activity. This includes intercourse, but can also refer to any nonconsensual sexual touching, sexting, or sexual acts. This form of abuse tends to be the hardest to talk about and can carry serious health risks such as STI, unwanted pregnancy, and PTSD.
Signs of Sexual Violence Include:
Pressuring you to have sex or perform sexual acts
Purposely hurting or making you uncomfortable during sexual acts
Forcing you to take explicit pictures of yourself
Taking/sending explicit pictures of you
Unwanted touching
Forcing you to dress a certain way
Physical Violence
Physical violence is any intentional damage done to the victim’s body. This includes choking, shoving, hitting, throwing, restraining and more. It can be difficult to realize you are being physically abused, as many violent partners will blame the victim or will make the abuse seem like an accident. However, any form of physical violence is not justifiable and should not be taken lightly.
Signs of Physical Violence Include:
Habitually hurting or injuring you
Blaming their actions on substance use, anger issues, or you
Destroying your personal belongings
Physically restraining or trapping you
Driving recklessly while you are in the car
Threatening to harm you or your loved ones
Emotional/ Psychological Abuse
Psychological and emotional abuse go together and are often used interchangeably. The difference between them lies in how the victim is affected. Emotional abuse affects how a victim feels. It is the most common tactic used by abusers and involves the use of verbal attacks, forced isolation, and shame or embarrassment as a means of control. Psychological abuse, on the other hand, affects how a victim thinks. This form of abuse often includes things like gaslighting, manipulating victims into questioning their sanity, and planting false memories.
Signs of Emotional/ Psychological Abuse Include:
Publicly embarrassing you
Isolating you from friends and family
Belittlement and making you feel inferior
Questioning your memories or convincing you that your memories are wrong
Threatening to hurt themselves if you do not do what they want
Falsely accusing you of cheating or creating problems in the relationship
Financial Abuse
Financial abuse is when an abuser exploits a victim's money and resources to gain control. It has been on the rise for Gen Z and has long-term consequences for a victim’s future. Financial abuse often goes undetected and takes on many forms such as theft, the withholding of belongings, and the hindering of job or academic success. This form of abuse is especially detrimental if a teen has a credit card. Abusers can rack up debt and deplete the victim’s credit score, which makes financing milestone events such as going to college or buying a car difficult. Even major purchases like buying a home have credit score qualifications that can be hard to reach for financial abuse victims.
Signs of Financial Abuse Include:
Stealing or withholding money from you
Requiring you to pay for all dates and activities
Controlling what you can spend your money on
Secretly using your credit, debit, or ATM card
Forcing you to share private identification and account information
Preventing you from going to school or your job
Sabotaging career and academic opportunities
Stalking
Stalking is the continuous, unwanted contact or attention from a person. It alludes to more than just following someone and can also take the form of an abuser tracking your location, sending unwanted texts and phone calls, spreading rumors about you, and monitoring your social media. Stalking often occurs after a relationship ends and can lead to dangerous situations. Stalking is a criminal offense and there are vital safety tips and precautions you can take to help prevent stalking from continuing.
Signs of Stalking Include:
Following you or sending others to follow you
Sending you unwanted gifts, notes, texts, or calls
Waiting outside your school, home, job, etc.
Vandalizing or destroying your property
Hacking into your social media or other personal accounts
Breaking into your home or car
Contacting friends and family to gain information on you
WHAT TO DO IF YOU SUSPECT ABUSE
No one deserves to be abused. Educating yourself and others on teen dating violence can help you and your loved ones avoid dangerous relationships and bring you one step closer to obtaining the love you deserve.
If you think that you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, talk to someone you trust. Leaving a relationship can be a hard, but a necessary thing to do. When ending a relationship with an abuser, it is important to keep your safety and health as a top priority. Block your abuser from your phone and social media accounts, save any records of abuse, get a restraining order against them, and keep trusted friends and family close.
Know that you are not alone. Take the time to process and heal from what you have been through. Seek guidance from a therapist or a school counselor, spend time with people you are comfortable around, participate in activities or hobbies that interest you, and focus on your personal growth journey. It takes time, but things will get better.
You deserve to the safe, loved and respected in all of your relationships.
WHAT PARENTS CAN DO TO HELP
As a parent, it is important to teach your children about healthy relationships. Programs like THINK aim to educate your teens about abuse, reproductive health, positive development, and more. If you suspect that your teen is experiencing dating violence, be a comfortable source for them to talk to. Help them take any necessary legal actions to keep them safe after the relationship ends. And most importantly, just be there for them. Your teen may want to handle this on their own, but this problem requires help, especially from a parent.
GET SUPPORT
If You Are a Victim
Call 1-800-656-HOPE or contact a crisis center in your area for free, confidential support and help. Also see the website section on victim guides—victim information for more on what to do following victimization.
Teens and young adults can also go to loveisrespect.org and contact its hotline/textline (a project of the National Domestic Violence Hotline):
Call: 1-866-331-9474
TTY: 1-866-331-8453
Text to 22522
1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or
text “START” to 88788