The Talk: How to Have Ongoing Conversations with Your Teen About Sexual Health

Having “the talk” with your teen can feel uncomfortable—but it’s one of the most important conversations you’ll ever have. Sexual health isn’t always a natural topic, but the more you approach it with honesty and openness, the more you’ll help your teen feel safe turning to you for guidance.

It’s also important to know that “the talk” isn’t just one conversation. It’s an ongoing series of talks that grow and change as your teen matures. Breaking it into small, simple discussions can make it less overwhelming for both of you.

Step 1: Keep Calm and Listen First

  • Teens may say things that surprise you. Try to keep a “poker face” so they don’t feel judged or ashamed.

  • Your job is to provide accurate information and a safe space to talk. Overreacting may shut down future conversations.

Step 2: Start Early and Keep Going

  • Don’t wait until you think your teen is already sexually active. Begin with age-appropriate talks early in adolescence.

  • Treat it as an ongoing conversation that grows with your teen. For example:

    • Early teens (11–13): Talk about puberty, body changes, and respect.

    • Middle teens (14–16): Expand to consent, healthy relationships, and risks.

    • Older teens (17+): Discuss decision-making, values, and planning for adulthood.

Step 3: Choose the Right Setting

  • Pick a relaxed, private place—like during a car ride, cooking dinner, or taking a walk.

  • Teens often open up more when the conversation feels casual rather than like a formal “sit down.”

Step 4: Ask What They Already Know

  • Start by asking, “What have you heard about ___?” or “What do you think about ___?”

  • This helps you gauge their maturity level and correct misinformation.

Step 5: Use Everyday Examples

  • Bring up situations from TV shows, movies, music, or news stories and ask what they think.

  • Avoid old stories like, “When I was your age…” Teens usually tune out when examples feel outdated.

Step 6: Use Correct Language

  • Teach the proper names for body parts and basic anatomy.

  • Understanding what’s normal helps reduce anxiety during puberty and makes it easier for them to explain concerns.

Step 7: Talk About Both Physical and Emotional Effects

  • Cover the physical realities: pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs).

  • But don’t skip the emotional side: heartbreak, mismatched expectations, and stronger emotional attachments that can come with sexual activity.

Step 8: Teach Consent Clearly

  • Explain what asking for consent, giving consent, and denying consent look like.

  • Emphasize that consent must be clear, ongoing, and enthusiastic.

  • Talk about both emotional and legal consequences of ignoring consent.

Step 9: Share Resources

You don’t have to know everything! Rely on trusted, accurate resources to guide you and your teen:

Final Thought

“The talk” isn’t about having all the answers—it’s about keeping the conversation going. When your teen knows they can come to you without judgment, you give them the tools to make safer, healthier decisions about their bodies and relationships.

Rebecca White